Do You Love Me Forever?
by RISVULove
Summary: Alex realises she needs to tell Casey how she feels after that fateful morning Olivia tells her there's been an accident. What happens when Casey wakes up and Alex reveals all? How does Alex handle the issues Casey has during recovery? R&R. *COMPLETE*
1. Chapter 1

I run my hands through my shoulder length blonde hair as I close my book for the night. There's only so many times you can read 'The Notebook' and not wish you had a relationship like theirs.

I look to my bedside table at the alarm clock and I notice the time- 3:45am.

Another long, boring night alone. Call me a romantic but I love lying in bed a partners arms wrapped around me.

There's only one persons arms I want around me and if I had any self confidence at all I'd go for it

I'd tell her, I'd pour my heart out, tell her ever since the day she swaggered into my office and informed me from here on out we'd be partners in the job and if I didn't like it there's the door.

Shes a truly stunning person and I'm not just saying that because I'm her best friend- she really is amazing.

I wish I could tell her but if I did and she didn't feel the same? What then? I'd loose the one person I trust more than anything, the one person who I know no matter what problem I had, she'd drop everything and run to me.

God, I wish I could tell her.

I need to stop this torture, I have court at 9am in the morning and I'm utterly shattered, I need to sleep!

I turn off the bedside lamp and roll away from the dim light of the clock radio.

I'll need to get myself a relationship, even just to avoid Casey haunting my every thought.

I throw my hair into a loose ponytail and grab my skirt suit jacket and briefcase from the kitchen chair

I can do this. I can go in here today and face her- and manage not to declare my undying love for her.

I hurry out the door and go just as fast to the office, if anyone didn't know me they'd say I was eager to work, no- I'm eager to catch up with Casey, who's always in before me.

I always walk into the office met by a friendly face- it's wonderful. Really dulls the horrors of this job- don't get me wrong I love SVU and I wouldn't trade my job for anything else but having her there really lessens the horrors.

I get to the office within ten minutes and when I arrive in and find her seat empty I frown

Where's Casey?

I check my watch, it's 8:30am, shouldn't she be here by now? Maybe she's running late? Maybe she's sick?

Surely she'd call though..

I grab my cell from my purse and dial her familiar number. I wait, and after the call rings out and goes to voicemail I begin to panic slightly. What could be going on?

Now, I know, you probably think I'm overreacting, the woman could just be running late but you don't know Casey Novak like I do. Three years working together and literally every morning she's been in before me.

Something isn't right.

I try her cell again, with the same occurrence as last time. No, I need to do something.

I call Olivia and she immediately connects the call

"Hey Al, you okay?"

"N-No, I'm at the office and Casey isn't here and I can't get through to her, I think there's something wrong" I sound frantic and I notice the hitch in Olivia's breath

"You didn't hear, did you?" She sounds dejected and my heart is suddenly thumping out of my chest- what's going on?

"Hear what Olivia!?"

"It's Casey... she's in hospital"


	2. Chapter 2

I've never ran out of the courthouse as fast as I did in that moment, still on the phone to Olivia.

"She's in the hospital?! Olivia, you could've called me before now! What happened?! Is she okay?" My questions are rushed together and she can obviously hear the shake in my voice

"Alex you need to calm down. Listen to me, you keep calm okay? I'll come over to the courthouse now and take you to the hospital, you sound as if you're in shock, you can't drive"

"I'm fine Olivia" it's the most unconvincing thing I think I've ever said in my life- with the exception of 'No Father, of course I'm not a lesbian'- but that's a story for another time.

"You aren't fine Alex, you're in shock. Don't get behind the wheel of that car, I swear I don't want to have to visit you in this damn hospital too, I hate them enough as it is"

I sigh, knowing it's a battle I'll never win, I'll just wait "Fine. I'll be waiting on the courthouse steps"

I drop down unceremoniously onto the cold ground and huff out, willing away the tears in my eyes

What the hell happened to her?

Was she raped? Oh my God, that's how Olivia found out, it's an SVU case. I'll kill the bastard, how dare he touch her-

"Alex?" I look up and I'm met with a very concerned looking Elizabeth Donnelly "is everything alright?"

I scoff "yeah, wonderful" the sarcasm drips from my answer and Elizabeth is clearly unimpressed

"Alex instead of being funny you could maybe tell me what's wrong?" This is the most compassionate I've ever seen the older woman and she sits in beside me, obviously not leaving until she gets answers.

There's a tension filled silence between us until I sigh and tell her the one thing I know for sure

"Casey's in hospital"

"Casey Novak?! What? Why!? Is she alright?"

I bury my head in my hands, making my answer muffled "I don't even know Liz, nobody called me, I freaked out when she wasn't in the office because she's always in before me. I knew something wasn't right... Olivia's taking me to see her now"

"Oh Alex, give her my best won't you? And call me, let me know how she is? I'm going to call down later today, see her myself"

"Of course I will"

Liz nods and stands away from me "Your ride is here" I look up and see Olivia's car pull up "Oh and Alex?"

I stand up and now face to face with the woman she continues "You should tell Casey how you feel. Don't leave it too late"

I blink twice, surprised my BOSS of all people just said that to me "Uh.. Thanks Liz- thank you"

"No problem Alex. Call me with and update yes?"

"As soon as I can"

I rush down the steps and into the car beside Olivia "What happened Liv?" I ask, no hello nothing, I'm clearly focused on Casey at the minute.

Olivia's quiet for a minute and I but in "She was raped wasn't she? That's how you found out-"

"No! No, God Alex. Casey wasn't raped" I calm slightly at this, it's something at least "there was a traffic accident. Casey's car was rammed by an SUV, the driver was drunk"

"O-Oh... my God.. is she? What's her condition?"

Olivia grips the wheel tighter as she takes a turn for the hospital "Alex, it's not good. Her legs are broken, in several places, she'll need extensive physiotherapy on her back... They're most worried about internal bleeding"

I'm terrified. My hands are shaking, my heats pounding

"I-Internal bleeding? Why?"

"Last I head she had a few internal tears, they had to take her for emergency surgery to get her fixed up"

"And?" I snap, not meaning to take my frustration out on Olivia but she's there

"I don't know, I had to go into work and she was in surgery when I left"

I'm quiet myself now, I have nothing else to say, I just need to see her myself, need to see how bad everything is.

We pull into the hospital grounds and as Olivia parks the car she speaks "You should tell her when she wakes up"

Okay, that's twice I've heard it in ten minutes! Does everyone know I'm in love with her or what?

"Liz said that too"

"Well you should, Alex you're terrified for her. Your feelings are very clear, believe me, God forbid this situation was reversed- she'd be the exact same as you are now. Tell her"

I nod and squeeze her hand "I'll think about it. Right now I just need to see she's okay"


	3. Chapter 3

I walk into her room, my heart still beating erratically, is she okay?

I get to her bedside and run my hand over her forehead "it's alright Case" I attempt to comfort her and I turn back to Olivia

"We need to find out what damage is done" I look to the information chart behind Casey "Doctor Harrington is hers, I'm gonna go find him"

Olivia stops me walking out, catching my arm and pulling me back

"She needs you here, I'll go find the doctor. Talk to Casey"

I nod and wall back over to the woman. I pull the faded leather chair as close to the bed as I can and I smile slightly at how peaceful she looks.

"You're okay Case, I'm here. It's alright. I love you so much... please don't scare me like that again. I thought you were dead.."

The door opens and I turn back and see Olivia walk in followed by Casey's doctor

"You're Alex?" is the first thing she asks and I scowl

"Um... yeah?"

"She asked for you after her operation. She wanted you here. She came out of her anaesthetic but we had to put her back under to let her body rest"

I smile and smooth her hair back "Is she okay?"

"Medically, Casey has some issues. The good thing is we managed to repair the lacerations on her kidneys and liver and stop the internal bleeding"

I squeeze Casey's hand, now in mine. She's not dying!

"But," Doctor Harrington continues "Casey's going to have a tough time when she wakes up. Both her legs and her arm have quite bad breaks and her back will need months of physiotherapy before she'll be able to walk again-"

"She won't be able to walk?!" I'm surprised Olivia got to the question before I did

"You need to understand Detective, your friends pretty banged up. She's fractured three of the vertebrae in her back- and as they heal she'll need a lot of physiotherapy to get over it. When she wakes up she more than likely won't be able to walk"

I close my eyes, Casey's going to hate this- more than the usual person would. She's so impatient and 'on the go' that not walking will completely crush her

"When will she wake up?" I ask, my voice a lot smaller than before

"Soon. We expect that the general anaesthetic will ware off in the next hour" her beeper goes off and she glances to it "Ladies, you'll have to excuse me, if you have any questions just ask for me and when Casey wakes up- buzz. I'd like to talk to her when she does"

We nod and she hurries out of our room and down the hall

Olivia sits on the edge of Casey's bed "She won't be able to walk Al"

"What'll we do?"

"What can we do?" Olivia replies "I mean, we can't fix her.. this'll just take time"

"Yeah, I guess"

xxx

She groans, her voice raspier than usual and I shoot to my feet

"Casey, Casey it's okay, wake up"

Her eyes flutter open and I swear I want to cry seeing her awake

"Hey you" I smile and kiss her cheek "you gave us quite a scare"

She looks around the room, clearly confused "You were in a car accident honey, remember?"

"A car accident? But- were we not at lunch?"

"That was earlier in the day sweetheart" I remind her and I notice the look on Olivia's face, she looks as if she's about to cry

I hit the buzzer on the wall like Doctor Harrington asked me to and Casey smiles lazily looking me over

"What?" I ask, smiling myself

"You came from court didn't you? You're wearing your court clothes"

I nod "I got worried when you weren't in before me Case so I called around. Olivia knew and she brought me in"

"So am I okay?" She looks down her body and notices the casts on her legs and arm "So that's why I can't feel my legs" she notes and my breath hitches

Doctor Harrington arrives in and obviously realises something's off "Casey, I'm Doctor Rebecca Harrington, head of emergency medicine, how're you feeling? Are you in pain?"

"Yeah, my heads hurting and my back"

She nods and notes it on the chart in her hands "I'll get a nurse to give you something for that. Now I'm actually here to talk about what's happening with you"

"Why, what's happening?" She asks, sounding more worried now

"Well, you were in a car accident, I'm sure Alex and Olivia have mentioned that. The impact was all on your side of the vehicle and it lead to some medical problems"

"Okay?" She sounds concerned "what problems?"

She sits on the side of the bed, keeping eye contact with Casey

"Casey, the impact of the collision caused you to obviously break the arm and legs, I'm sure you've noticed the casts"

Casey nods and Rebecca continues, telling Casey the news we've all been dreading telling her "We're afraid Casey that because of the fractures you got along the vertebrae in your spine you temporarily may not be able to walk"

From the look on her face I swear I can physically see her heart sinking

"I-I... can't walk?" She tries to move and Rebecca gently pushes her shoulders back

"Don't Casey. If you over do it it'll just make it worse- you really need to rest for now"

"Rest!? Are you joking me! You just told me I can't walk-"

"Casey, you won't be able to do anything until your legs heal up more anyway, you just need to rest for now"

She nods and sinks back into the bed, letting her eyes fall shut, I knew it would be hard to tell her but as hard as it was, I know this is going to go downhill from here..


	4. Chapter 4

It's getting late and I haven't been our of this hospital all day. Casey's only woken up a couple of time during the day, she didn't even eat dinner when the nurse brought it in.

I sigh pull my jacket around me, suddenly feeling the chill in the hospital room. I tuck the blanket around Casey afraid she'd be cold too and when I look up I see Liz at the door, flowers in hand.

"Hey Alex, are you alright? Any change since I called last?" She sits in beside me and I sigh

"No. She's still sleeping a lot Liz" I tell her and she nods

"So, how'd she take it? The injuries.."

I sigh and she squeezes my wrist, offering support "Not well. She hates it, although I can't blame her"

Liz sighs and shakes her head "Poor Case. Did you talk to her about your feelings?"

I scoff "Yeah, of course I did. After she found out she couldn't walk I threw it in that I loved her.."

Liz rolls her eyes "Okay, I see your point. So, talk to me, how are you handling this? It must be hard for you"

"What tells you that?" I ask and she smiles sadly

"Apart from the fact you look like death from stress, I saw you when Chrissie was sick, you were in bits"

I tense at her mention of my former fiancé "Casey's hardly dying Liz. It'll be hard, I know, but it's not as bad as Chrissie was"

Liz looks over to Casey and back to me "She has never mentioned relationships in the couple of years she's been employed here but Alex, is as plain as day that she has feelings for you"

I bite my lip, am I the only one who's missed these signs?

"Liz, it's hard seeing her in pain" I tell her and she nods in agreement "It is but you know Novak, she's a fighter. She'll get through this and Alex, believe me, she'll need your support during this. Let her depend on you"

I feel the tears pool in my eyes "Liz, I want her to be okay.."

She loops her arm around me and let's me sob into her. All I need is a good cry and I'm all the better for it.

xxx

"I heard you crying"

I jump as talks from behind me and I turn around and face her

"Casey.. You're awake" I smile and she nods as best she can

"I am and I heard you crying. I hate you being upset over me" she gestures for me to come over and join her. I walk over to the bed and she pats the bed

"Alex, Liz is right" she tries to pull herself up in the hospital bed and I help her, putting her sitting up

"Right about what?" I try to be casual but my heart is pounding, she heard everything- and she's not freaking out?

"Me- you. Alex I like you too but look at me, I'm a mess. Why would you want to get involved with me like this?"

I take her hand into mine "Case, I'm here for you. I haven't left here because I want to be here, I want to help you"

"Alex, I can't walk, how could we start anything-"

"We don't have to do anything. You listen to me, we need to focus on you getting better. After that we can talk about other stuff"

She sighs and I run my hand over her arm waiting for her to say whatever's on her mind and after a minute she does "You'll really wait? I mean, this'll take months to get better-"

"And I'll wait Case, listen to me, I waited for months for you to even find out I liked you, what's a few more months, eh?"

The tears are rolling down her cheeks by now and I brush them away "Talk to me Case"

"I-I can't walk-k Al! What'll I do? I'm so scared.."

I move in closer to her, and place a light kiss to her tear stained cheeks "I know you're scared. Of course you are but I'll help you through this okay? Every step of the way I'll be right beside you"

"You mean that?" She asks wiping away stray tears and I nod

"I mean it Case"

xxx

"You need to go home" she whispers and I wake up a little more and look around the room

"I'm fine here" I mumble and she sighs and rests her hand against my forehead

"Al, you're nearly asleep. Get a cab and go home, crash and come in tomorrow, I'll be fine"

I sit up straighter now, my jaw setting "You don't know that. What if I go and something happens?-"

"-Alex, what's going to happen? I mean, I'm fine- as fine as I can be"

"I'm not leaving Casey- if I left and something happened to you, I'd...never forgive myself"

She notices I'm off- of course she does, she's sick, she's not an idiot.

"Alex?-"

I stand out of the chair and grab my briefcase from the floor next to her bedside locker

"Ya know, I think I'll take you up on that offer"

I race out of the hospital room and by the time I'm at the car I feel the tears running down my cheeks. I need to get home.

xxx

I take another mouthful of the bitter red wine as I sift through the box of old memories.

Old cinema tickets, dried rose petals, notes, photos- literally hundreds of photos.

I smile sadly seeing our smiling faces looking back at us

God I miss her. This woman was my high school sweetheart, my fairytale. We were together since I was 17 and after 10 years together, 2 of which we were engaged for, we found out she had a brain tumour. It killed her within the year. I lost the most important person in my life 5 years ago and now here I am, in nearly the exact same position again- except I'm not engaged to Casey. I could've very easily lost her today and she wouldn't have even known how I felt..

I need to start seizing the moment, going for things, not holding back. I love her and I'm going to do everything can to show her that.


	5. Chapter 5

AN: Hey everybody. Thank you so much for the support. Please keep the reviews like more feedback on the story. Thank you.

I pick up the bunch of roses from the florist and the beautiful red flowers make me smile, Casey'll love them!

I walk a ten minute walk to the hospital and as I'm walking in I'm met with Olivia, standing with Amanda and if I'm honest it looks rather intimate..

Amanda seems lovely, to be honest I don't know her all that well. She's only been working SVU the last couple of months and I've been so buried under with work and trying to sort my feelings out, so I didn't have all that much time to socialise with the newbies.

I walk past the pair, not wanting to disturb their moment and I'm thankful they don't see me, I'll be glad for the few minutes alone with Casey.

I get to her room and look in through the glass pane in the door, she's watching daytime tv. I smile to myself, it's not very 'Casey' to watch daytime tv.

I knock and walk in, flowers in hand, smiling and she turns off the tv

"Hi" she says, her voice very low as if she doesn't want to startle me

"These are for you- a peace offering. I shouldn't have ran off last night-" she buts in

"They're beautiful, thank you, but unnecessary. I get it, you were tired and stressed.."

I nod, deciding against telling her everything, let's face it my problems would be the last thing she'd want to hear now. I leave the flowers on her bedside locker, beside the ones Liz brought yesterday and when I'm close enough to her she catches my hand "C'mere"

She leans forward and I move closer to her, pressing my lips to hers.

Our first proper kiss, and it's better than I could've ever imagined!

I smile as we break apart "So.. that was.."

"It really was" she smiles and squeezes my hand "you're okay right? You look kinda tense?"

I relax myself, knowing I can be relaxed around her. I'm safe here with her.

"I'm fine Case, sorry"

"You know you can talk to me right? If there was something bothering you?"

I nod and squeeze her hand "I'm sorry I'm being weird- I'll explain some other time alright?"

"It's not about me is it? I mean, you don't regret anything-"

"No! God, Case it's nothing like that. Just seeing you hurt.. brought back some bad memories. I'm okay, honestly"

She nods and runs her hand along my arm "I'm gonna be okay Alex. I swear, you're more freaked out than I am. Rebecca and I talked this morning and she's confident I can make a good recovery, sure I mightn't be completely back to normal but I'll be walking. I'll be able to do my job, I'll be able to play softball again, Alex, I'll be back as good as I can be, it's okay"

I smile at her attempt to make me feel better and is kiss her cheek "Thank you. I needed to hear that. So how are you feeling? Any pain?"

She sighs and nods "Last night was...interesting. I woke up around 4am and my back was really, really bad. The doctor on call was paged and gave me morphine to stop the pain"

"Oh sweetheart- I-I'm sorry I should've been here!-"

She squeezes my hand "I would've just been hassle. I was literally wake for a couple of minutes until the doctor came in, gave me the injection and I was out like a light again. You needed a good nights sleep- wait, shouldn't you be in work?"

I roll my eyes "Aren't you very work orientated?" I tease and she smiles

"Why are you here? You can't miss work for me Alex-"

I laugh and shake my head "Do you really think Liz would let me work with you in here? She calls me every hour asking how you are- I swear I've never seen her as worried about anything that wasn't related to work"

Casey smirks "Well I am her favourite ADA" she winks and I chuckle

"Yeah she prefers you over her Goddaughter" I laugh and when she doesn't join in I look up to her, seeing her shocked

"You are Liz's- she's your Godmother?!" The woman's in shock and I can't help but smile

"Did I happen to leave that minor detail out?"

"Yeah just a little!"

xxx

"So Casey, we'll have a physiotherapist down in the morning to look into starting treatment. I'm sure everything will go fine but I'll be on after lunch anyway so if you have any worries you'll be able to talk to me- if either of you have" Rebecca looks to me and I nod smiling

"Thanks Rebecca, I really appreciate it" Casey says and Rebecca checks her vitals again "Are you in any pain or anything Casey? Your back giving any trouble?" She runs her hand along Casey's sides and I smile not even seeing her flinch, even today there's a little improvement and I couldn't be happier for her. Casey's right, she can get better.


	6. Chapter 6

AN: Thanks for all the support everyone! Could you please keep the reviews up? Thanks!

xx

The physiotherapist walks in the door, file in hand and a smile on his face. Casey looks over to me, a look of utter fright on her face.

I've noticed that actually- since last night when Rebecca said the physiotherapist would be in today Casey's been on edge, quiet, out of sorts.

She's probably terrified, not that I blame her, if I was her I'd be freaking out too.

"Casey" the dark haired young man smiles as he introduces himself "I'm Gavin Slater. I'm sure Doctor Harrington mentioned I'd be in today?"

Casey nods mutely and I sit in beside her on the bed, hoping having me close will help her calm a little.

"Okay" Gavin says, cupping his hands together "I've reviewed your case and I won't lie to you, this'll be a tough road. Rebecca has told me that I could start light physiotherapy today if you feel up to it?"

Casey nods and I cut in "Sorry, I don't mean to interrupt but what exactly will she be doing? I mean, she was in a serious car crash a few days ago-"

"Alex!" Casey attempts to scold me and I glare at her, I want to be sure she's up to it, I don't want him to push her when she's not able

"No, Casey- sorry I didn't catch your name?" He directs his answer to me and I offer my hand

"Alexandra Cabot, call me Alex" I smile, not wanting to intimidate him- or get Casey any more upset with me.

"No Casey, Alex is right to ask, believe me it's nice to see you care. I know you think it's early Alex but the sooner we get at it the more of a chance there'll be that she'll recover better. Oh, and you'll hate me after all the sessions, you both will. Casey, I'll be pushing you, hard and it'll be painful. I'm sure neither of you'll be my biggest fans. It be worth it when you're up and walking though"

Casey nods and smiles "So we can start today?" She asks and he nods

"We can but you'll need to know today's exercises won't be anything amazing, they'll be simple movements and they'll hurt"

She nods and shifts in the bed "I'm ready for it. I'm sure I'll be able to handle it"

He smiles widely and proceeds to raise up her bed, adjusting it so they can start the treatment.

"I'm glad I have a patient like you, eager- it's nice"

Casey smiles "Well, the sooner I can walk the better. I hate being cooped up in here"

I sit awkwardly in the corner and realise I don't want to stay for this- I can't see her in pain.

"Case, I, uh- I'm gonna go, give you some privacy" I tell her and she scowls

"You don't have to?"

"I know. I just think it'd be best. I'll grab lunch and come back up"

"If that's what you want"

xxx

I sit into the uncomfortable wooden chair in the cafe and take a rather large mouthful of coffee. Ugh, it's well deserved. I didn't sleep much last night and I managed to finish that second bottle of wine- leaving me with that dull pounding in my head right about now. Coffee'll cure it.

As I bite into my toast I notice somebody sit in across from me. I look up and smile seeing Olivia

"So why are you down here?" She asks me and sigh

"She's getting physio done"

"And you had to leave?"

I shake my head and drop it down into my hands "No. I was welcome to stay, I just left.."

"Okay.. Uh, why?"

"I don't know if she wanted me there really and well, I didn't want to see her in pain"

Olivia slips her hand into mine "Alex, of course Casey wants you there. She's scared and needs you. I know it's hard to see her in pain but it has to be done for her to improve. You should stay with her"

I nod, knowing she's right, I shouldn't have left because I was scared.

"Thanks Liv, I needed that" I smile softly and she squeezes my hand

"No problem"

"So what's going on with you and Amanda?" I ask and she turns beet red, making me smile

"Nothin's goin' on Alex! She's a friend"

I scoff "Oh yeah and I'm the Queen of England. Spill Benson"

"Fine!" She sighs in defeat "Amanda and I spent the night together a couple of weeks ago"

"Wow.. and you're happy with that? I mean, you don't seem to be jumping off the walls in delight"

Olivia sighs and shakes her head "I don't know Alex, I mean she's sweet, she really is but... I don't do relationships, real relationships and she's not interested in anything 'no strings'.."

"Well, Liv, it sounds like you need to really think about what you want to do. Do you have feelings for Amanda?"

Olivia nods and bites her lip "I do Al, and I know, I should talk to her, try this.. I guess I'm just scared I'll mess it up with her"

"Well, you're pretty persuasive, if you mess up you be smooth and apologetic and she'll forgive whatever mistake you're sure you'll do" I smile and she does too

"Thank you Al. Anyway, you should go back to your borderline relationship"

I laugh and drink the end of my coffee "Oh that's another thing, she overheard me and Liz talking about how I feel. We're taking things slow"

Olivia smiles and pats my back "Well look at you" she laughs "no waiting around, huh?"

I shake my head "Liv, I've waited months. It's about time I got moving. Sure, my timing isn't wonderful with her being stuck in here but we'll make it work"

"-or maybe your timings perfect. She needs you- please stop talking to me and go to her"

I nod and stand from the cafe chair "You're right. Listen, you should think about how you feel, talk to Amanda. You two would be great together"

"Thanks Al. I'll call up and see Case in a bit okay? I'll give you two a while together"

"I appreciate it. Thanks Liv"

xxx

I go to the hospital room and I sigh seeing her laid straight up in the bed, a look of exhaustion and excruciation on her face

"Casey?" I ask rushing to her side and I notice her laboured breaths the closer I get to her

"I-It hurts"

Rebecca told me about this. Last night when Casey was sleeping I got Rebecca alone and we had a chat. She said post-physiotherapy pain is nearly worse than when she first got the injury because you're aggravating the injury. I knew it'd be bad, I prepared for bad but this is horrible. The woman is the colour of death in the face and she can't catch her breath

I shift the pillow underneath her and adjust her position, resting her back against the soft pillow. She mewls at my moving her but I couldn't stand to see her so uncomfortable

"How's that?" I ask and as she answers I notice the slight improvement in her breathing

"A little better, thank you"

Theres a tense silence, I'd nearly say it was awkward between us "So how was it?" I ask and she sighs

"Worse than I imagined. I don't know how I'm going to do that every day Al.." She sounds so down and it concerns me

I sit in beside her, carefully- not wanting to cause her anymore pain and when I do she looks up to me, her eyes glassy

"Why did you leave?" She sounds like a vulnerable child and it breaks my heart

"I thought you wouldn't want me to see you like that... and well, I was scared to see you like that"

"I need you. Please don't leave"

I shake my head and run my fingers softly through her hair

"I won't.. I'm sorry I left today"

"You're right though" she says after a few seconds of silence "I wouldn't have wanted you to see me like that, not today. Just stay tomorrow, please?"

"I'll stay" I assure her and I lean in that bit closer to her "I promise"

xxx

Casey's peacefully slumbering when Rebecca comes in that evening and she smiles at me giving a small wave as she reviews Casey's chart

"So Gavin told me physio was challenging today"

I nod and stand off the edge of the bed "She was in a lot of pain Rebecca. When I came back up she was really suffering"

Rebecca cocks her head "When you came back? Where were you?"

I sigh "I left. She didn't want me to see her hurting and well, I was scared"

She nods "You know, you're not the first partner in this situation to be scared- and you won't be the last but Alex, she needs you more than ever, you need to be strong for her"

Hearing her refer to me as Casey's partner makes me smile and she's right- now Casey needs me, I can't let my feelings get in the way. It'll be hard but I need to stick with her.

"Yeah you're right, thanks Rebecca" I nod and she smiles

"No problem. I understand your situation, literally"

"Really?"

I watch as she raises her pant leg, and reveals a scar the length of her lower leg

"Oh wow"

"My husband went through what you did- in a slighter less traumatic form. I spent a couple of months in hospital getting my leg reset after a car accident, I pushed my husband away when all I wanted was his support. I understand that Casey doesn't want you around but she needs you"

"I know and I won't be leaving her again.."

"You two seem really good together, I'm glad you have each other"

"Yeah. I'm really lucky to have her"


	7. Chapter 7

Casey wakes up in the middle of the night, only not in pain tonight, not physical pain anyway. I hear her gentle sobs and shoot over to her side

I hold my fingers to her cheek "Case, sshh, it's alright" I attempt to calm her and I lay in beside her "c'mon Case, what's wrong? Talk to me sweetie"

She buries into me, still sobbing and I just whisper comforting things to her.

Could it have been a nightmare? It must've been..

"Case, you're worrying me. Please talk to me"

"I-It's just a n-nightmare" I barely hear her through the sobs and I nod and kiss her forehead

"It's okay Case. I'm here now. I won't let anything bad happen. C'mon, just go back asleep, I'll stay here with you"

She's still crying, for several more minutes and then eventually her breaths even out. She's back asleep again. I kiss her cheek and pull myself from under her. I look at her from where I'm standing and she looks like a cross between being upset, in pain and completely exhausted.

I walk out to the nurses station and I'm met with Andy, a friendly male night nurse who smiles seeing me "Alex, everything alright?"

I nod and rest against the nurses station "I was actually wondering if it would be possible to get Casey some pain relief?"

He nods and checks her chart again "Well, she had her last shot before twelve and it's five now so I'll be in with some now. Did she wake with pain again?" He asks and I nod

"She was upset and in pain but she fell back asleep out of pure exhaustion.."

"Okay. I'll give her some pain relief in a couple of minutes. Maybe you'd get a chance to sleep yourself tonight"

I smile "Hopefully. If you brought me a shot of that it's help"

He chuckles and walks towards the dispensary "I'll see if I can get you another pillow, it's the best I can do I'm afraid"

I walk back to the room still smiling and when I get in I'm relieved to still see Casey asleep.

I lay in beside her again and she shifts, causing her to start awake in pain

"Shit!" She cries out and I hold her down gently, calling her name

"Case, Casey listen to me Andy will be here with pain relief in a minute. Sshh, I know it's sore but it'll be gone soon"

Within a minute Andy's in and injecting the pain relief into Casey's IV line.

Casey's still uneasy as Andy excuses himself and when he's gone I press my lips to hers "It's okay. Try and relax, the pain will be gone soon"

She's nearly crying in pain and I feel horrendous. What can I do? I want to take all her pain away, if I could trade places with her, I would. I hate seeing her in so much pain.

xxx

"That's it Casey, push, push, push-"

"Ugggh! Fuck this!" She's crying as Gavin gently tries to pull her shoulders forward as Casey tries to keep them back

She gives up, obviously not being able to handle the pain anymore and I smooth her hair back

"You're doing so well baby, I'm so proud. You're so strong"

She's sobbing and I feel like crying myself. My poor Casey. She's suffering so much because that bastard drove drunk and crashed into her.

I was talking to Olivia on the phone this morning about him. Frank Barrett- 28. A 28 year old man nearly killed the woman I love. He's in a coma and ya know, I'd like to think I'm a nice person and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone but I'm thankful he's in a coma. Does that make me a horrible, unethical person? I actually wish pain on this man. I just care so much about her and seeing her suffering is hell for me.

Casey's calmed down and Gavin attempts to start the hell up again.

"No!" I snap seeing how drained it's made Casey and I'm worried when Casey doesn't dispute, God, she must be in a lot of pain "Gavin you honestly think I'm going to sit here and watch you do this to her! Look-"

"If you want her to walk again you'll have to sit and watch it. I'm a health professional Alex, I know what's best for this type of injury. I know, it's hard. Do you think I enjoy making people cry in pain? No. But if they are going to improve it has to be done" I have respect for this man, he has some balls to stand up to me when I'm this pissed off.

I calm down, knowing it's best for Casey in the long run "Well can't you give her a few minutes? A break, I mean she needs some time"

He nods "Half an hour, but we'll need to work hard okay? She'll be in a lot of pain"

I sigh and look over to her lying in bed, feebler than I've ever seen her "Okay. I won't interfere. Thank you"

"I do hate hurting her Alex but I warned you, you'll both hate me"

"If you get Casey walking again I'd nearly marry you" I blurt and he chuckles

"Thanks for the offer but I have a boyfriend and I believe you have Casey" he smiles and I roll my eyes

"Technicalities"

"I'll leave you alone for a while, I'm sure you're sick of the sight of me. I'll be back soon okay?"

"Sure. Gavin, thanks"

He shakes my hand before he leaves and when he's gone I hear Casey scoff

"Why not elope to Europe now"

"Excuse me?" I walk back to her bedside and she looks at me fire in her eyes and venom in her tone when she replies

"Your flirting with pretty boy"

I scoff myself now and shake my head "Do you honestly think that was serious?! You heard him- he has a boyfriend and Casey, I'm gay, he doesn't interest me! You interest me!"

"Like this!? I interest you when I cry in pain from simple things like sitting up straight and bending over! How could you find me remotely attractive!"

In that moment I detest her, just because of her opinion of me "Do you think I'm that shallow?! You bitch! I lo- I'm attracted to you for you! For your personality, your attitude! I cannot believe you think so low of me!"

"Well what am I meant to think?! Alex, you're spending all your time here, I'm trapping you here! You don't deserve that! You should go-"

I snap at her "No! I won't go. I promised you I'd stand by you and I don't care what you say to me, I'm not leaving you" I sit in the chair beside the bed and neither of us speak for several minutes

"I'm sorry" she says after what feels like hours of silence and I face her

"Casey Novak, you need to realise I'm not trapped here with you. I don't care how new this relationship between us is, I'm still your best friend. Wether we're together or not I'd still want to be here because I care about you! And for so much as the joking I was doing with Gavin, I was trying to be friendly after I bit his head off" I sigh and slip my hand into hers "I like women, I like you- I know, you're upset about the situation you've been cruelly put in but you need to know that I realise this'll be hard- I don't care about that. I care about you and I'm standing by you.."

"I'm sorry, I was a bitch to you"

I lean in and kiss her cheek "You were, but I think you're entitled to be a bit of a bitch after everything"

She smiles and squeezes my hand "thank you"


	8. Chapter 8

_***4 weeks later***_

"Well, well look who's back gracing us with her presence" Munch teases as I walk into the squad room and Olivia slaps him around the back of his head

"Leave Cabot alone" she scolds and she walks after me and up to the cribs

We walk in and I close the door. I can tell Olivia's worried and when I turn and face her she smiles uneasily

"How's Case, any change?"

I frown as I sit in beside her "No, nothing. Gavin said she should be seeing minor improvements by not and we're not. Casey's very upset and angry with herself- and me"

Olivia takes my hand between her own and traces patterns on my wrist, which oddly soothes me "So, what brought you here?" she asks and I sigh and run my hand through my hair

"I need somebody to listen"

She nods and hands me a pillow so we can lean back against the wall comfortably "I'm here"

I sigh and shake my head "Olivia this is bringing back memories for me and it's upsetting me even more than Casey snapping at me"

Olivia smiles sadly "Oh honey" she soothes and I continue

"All I can think of seeing Casey lying in that bed is Chrissie and how bad everything got- and I know it's idiotic, she's not dying and eventually she'll start getting better but it's upsetting me"

"Alex, honey, you love Casey, of course this brings back memories for you. Does Casey know about Chrissie?"

I shake my head and wring my hands together "No, I never explained why I was upset and she wasn't around when it all happened so I don't even think she knows I was engaged"

Olivia meets my eyes and smiles sympathetically "Alex, that's your problem. You need to talk to Casey about this"

I shake my head "I can't talk to her- I mean not now. She has enough to deal with-"

"-Alex stop. You're sacrificing your feelings to baby Casey just because she's hurt. You can't do that, you'll end up breaking up with her before the two of you even properly start.."

She's right. I'm trying to protect Casey just because she's injured, I can't keep doing it. I need to talk to her.

"Thanks Liv, I needed to talk to you"

"No problem sweetie. Good luck talking to her, okay? Case's sweet, you'll be fine"

"Thanks honey"

xxx

I walk back to the hospital and on the way I try to plan out what I'm going to say to Casey. I can't just go in and say 'you remind me of my dead fiancé'. I need to do this so she'll know it's not her fault. This is all me, it's my head playing with me.

I love this woman and seeing her hurting is causing old wounds to open. I just need to explain.

I get to the door of Casey's room and when I walk in she smiles

"Hey.. Alex I'm sorry I snapped at you earlier-" she apologises assuming that's why I left and I shake my head

"I've forgiven you Case. I don't take it to heart"

"You shouldn't have to forgive me. I'm being horrible to you and you don't deserve it. I'm really sorry"

I sit in beside her and kiss her cheek "It's alright. I'm sorry I disappeared- I had to work out some stuff.."

She raises an eyebrow "Everything okay?"

I nod and take her hand into mine "I have to talk to you about something and it's not easy for me to talk about but I need to explain some of my behaviour the last couple of weeks"

"Uh... Okay?" She squeezes my hand "you can talk to me"

I take a deep breath "I've been having a hard time seeing you hurt for a couple of reasons, one because I care about you and I don't like seeing you in pain but another is more of.. a personal reason"

I look to her, making sure she's taking in what I'm saying and then I continue "Okay. Before you came to SVU I was having a rough time. M-My fiancé died just over a year before you arrived and well, it was sudden so it was still very raw. In fact, I think Liz hired you because she thought I'd leave, I was very shaky-anyway, I had to watch my fiancé suffer through a lot of pain and when I saw you doing the same thing it brought back bad memories"

Casey sighs "Oh... God Alex, I'm so sorry. I-I didn't know"

I shake my head "It's okay, I never really talk about it, you couldn't have known. Listen, this isn't because of anything you said or anything like that, it's just my mind being screwy with me"

"No, it's okay. I mean, it's not your fault. Alex, thank you for telling me"

I nod and stand off the bed "How was physiotherapy today? Much pain?"

She rolls her eyes "Alex, I swear I feel like there's no point to physio anymore. Gavin told me not to worry, that it may take a little longer but it's okay. Alex, what if this doesn't improve?"

I shake my head "Case, honey, you can't think like that, I trust Gavin, he knows what he's doing. You should trust him too.."

"It's been a month- nearly six weeks since the accident, shouldn't there be something happening?"

"Your arms healing well, your legs are too. This won't just heal, you need to be patient- eventually this'll get better"


	9. Chapter 9

Gavin smiles as he watches Casey stand off the bed, her first real steps unaided. I guess five months after the accident is just about the right time for this to be happening

"Casey this is so fantastic! See I told you, I knew you'd regain function, you just needed to be patient" Gavin says as she shuffles over towards me and I shake my head

"This is wonderful baby, I'm so proud" Im nearly crying with joy when she gets over to me and takes my hand

"I've imagined this moment so many times but I never thought it'd feel as good as this" the happiness is radiating off her and she moves in closer to me, pressing her lips to mine and running her hands through my hair

We break apart after the deep kiss and she smirks "This moment couldn't get any better"

xxx

I help Casey walk down to the hospital cafe and and when we get out of the elevator she gasps slightly "Is that Liv?!" She asks, pointing to the cafe and I smirk seeing her kissing Amanda

"That looks like her alright" I reply and Casey faces me

"You never mentioned this to me?"

"If I'm honest I didn't know it myself.. Wolf whistle Casey!"

She laughs "You can't be serious, I'm not going to wolf whistle at them- you do it"

I roll my eyes "If I could wolf whistle don't you think I'd do it?"

"Wait, you can't whistle?-"

"Ya know what," I say putting an end to the conversation "let's just go over there, it'll cause the same embarrassment"

We walk over and she smiles as we arrive to the table "You can't whistle" she teases and I scowl, nudging her gently, ensuring I don't hurt her

"Shut it!- So Olivia, Amanda, having fun?" The women jump and Casey laughs when she sees their expressions- it's a mixture of 'deer caught in headlights' and shock at seeing Casey up and about

"Casey! Look at you!" Olivia announces taking the focus off herself and Amanda "You look so much better!"

"Yeah, you don't look shabby either although I don't think either of our girlfriends approve of these flirtatious statements"

Amanda turns bright red and l go and orders us some lunch. It's so great seeing her happy again- I've missed it. I watch her and the detectives laugh together at the table and I can't help but see the sparkle that's returned to her eyes, she's better. Sure physically she can still improve but mentally, everything's right where it needs to be. I pay for our meals and walk back to the table and as I sit down she kisses me- at which Olivia wolf whistles and Amanda 'oooh's'.

"What was that for?" I ask when we break apart and she smiles

"Nothin' just for fun" I roll my eyes and she continues "Oh yeah, do you guys know Alex can't whistle?!"

Yeah, she'll be the death of me, but I know I'll enjoy every moment with her..


End file.
